It appears the Christmas Eve tradition of Santa and his flying reindeer will continue as always. In a surprise move, The Obama administration has ordered a full pardon for the ancient sky flyer following an agreement with North Pole officials. “We never really wanted to arrest this Conservative and Christian icon, but like most typical Christians and Conservatives, this night flying aberration was insensitive to people of other cultures and this administration was compelled to uphold the values of the American people, said Obama.”
The Biblical Constitution.com has not been able to obtain the video feed of Santa’s public service message, but we were able to acquire the text. “Most of you know who I am, I’m Santa Claus. I have been delivering gifts and good will for a very long time. I endeavor to spread love and the spirit of Christmas throughout this land and the world. I guess after you do things the same way for a very long time, you forget that people change. I have agreed for this reason, to no longer wish anyone a Merry Christmas. Instead, I will simply say Happy Holidays. If that offends you please let me know and I will ask permission to wish you a greeting or say hello. I also will not deliver any more toy guns to children across AMERICA as it negatively influences them according to our President. In accordance with this agreement with our government, I will only deliver toy guns to middle eastern children. I have also agreed to give the middle eastern couple I offended, several million dollars out of the fund I use to deliver toys to disadvantaged American children. Also, anytime Mrs. Claus accompanies me on my Christmas Eve adventures she will be donning a burka to show her sensitivity to other cultures. Happy Holidays and Ho, Ho, Ho!”
Following Santa’s public service statement some groups objected to the Ho, Ho, Ho Santa uttered, saying it was a sexist slur of the lowest order. So far, he has not been arrested again for this alleged slur, we will keep an eye out, and let you know!
The preceding piece was a Parody and in fact an update Parody to a previous one. President Obama did not release Santa from prison because he never had him arrested in the first place. Santa never made any public service statement to any news media outlet and there is no video in relation to the fictitious event above. As far as we know Santa is getting ready to bring gifts to children all over the world and I am sure some children everywhere will receive toy guns if they asked Santa for them.